tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27489270135769153712024-03-04T23:42:54.230-06:00Living TinderI'm a medicated female w/ Bipolar Disorder Type II. I love studying my illness and myself, and in this blog are thoughts on bipolar news - as well as other random things.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-50517862616573235592010-03-13T21:05:00.003-06:002010-03-13T21:48:17.341-06:00KetchupLast published on August 26th, 2009. Sad story... sorry ya'll.<br /><br />Frances, my homophobic racist paranoid schizophrenic left. One Friday night she decided to call 911 and tell the operator she was raped. Two things get automatic hospital discharges: rape and suicide. Well, violence to others as well, of course; that one is just more difficult to sort out. Who saw this, did she hear that, why is there blood on her face... oh yeah, that reminds me of another fun story from LPC. Let's go back to the first though.<br /><br />If you were to ask Frances, she gets raped every day, multiple times a day, by multiple men (and sometimes woman) in every hole imaginable. She also gets beaten and murdered. She had a broken leg once... walking just fine, of course. But this time she called the police and told them she was raped by another resident (untrue... you should see who she accused). She went to the hospital and insisted on going back to AC. The same place where she was beaten 16 times in one day, according to her when she was admitted to LPC last May. She'll be back.<br /><br /><br />2nd story...<br /><br />1. Someone pulled the fire alarm. Make everyone go into whatever hallway the "fire" is not in, start checking off names.<br /><br />2. Door alarm goes off. HUHA took the opportunity provided by the distraction of the fire alarm to run out the door. Some people go chasing after him... this day was too cold, HU is out of shape, and I was wearing a T-shirt.<br /><br />3. Therefore, I was around to see VIIN coming running out from the fire doors with blood on her face. Sweet, kind SASA had also utilized the same opportunity as HUHA to bite poor VI and try to scratch out her eyeballs.<br /><br />4. HUHA was given a shot, allowed to talk someone's ear off for half an hour, and given money to get a snack from the vending machines (he really is quite adorable). SASA was again sweet, cheerful, and now creepingly weird (sent to the hospital, of coure, and not back ever!). VIIN was a frightened little mess. I was appointed the one to calm her down, and now she sometimes talks to me and calls me "Frankie".<br /><br /><br />Last Thursday, new kid who has the last name of a dictator cupped my boob and asked me if they were real. I gave him a <em>LOOK</em>, told him both physical contact and language was inappropriate, and continued on with his orientation. Same kid who tried to blow up his last nursing home by stuffing socks down the toilet. Apparently they're going to put him on "Lupron to suppress his sexual desires." Oh yes, he was caught masterbating in the ER as well.<br /><br />I wish this job paid more... I quite like it. As it is, I'll be on my merry way some point in the next year. Ah well.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-51840933917303871232009-08-26T01:12:00.005-05:002009-08-26T01:41:48.539-05:00Brothers and NursesSomehow by wandering around the internet aimlessly, I managed to end up here. Oh yes. Jessica, you sent me an invite on facebook that I accidently deleted. Some blog or other, I believe. Send it again please?<br /><br />Otherwise, I'm trying to think of a story. Well, here's a quote for today: <a href="http://babyanimalz.com/community/sites/default/files/images/baby-octopus.jpg">I want a baby octopus.</a> Alright guys, check out that link right there, it's adorable. Not my pic, of course. Anyways, that was what HUHA said outside the office door. Not sure who he was talking to, if anyone.<br /><br />Something made me sad/mad today. One of my fav residents just came back from the hospital... I've mentioned her before I think: FRST. She told me that she wasn't going to be my dyke. I said awesome. Either way, she was apparently in a good mood when she got back, declaring that she hadn't thought about anyone but me. My first question was (I wasn't present, but when someone related the story to me)... "good or bad thoughts?" But then she starts freaking out. "Have you seen my brother? He was the paramedic who brought me in. She knifed him outside." No, I haven't. He's not here right now. No one knifed anyone. No one's hurt.<br /><br />Comes back a bit later with a similar story. "My brother's in the building. They saw him, he was broken and bleeding." Different tactic: who saw him? "A bunch of guys." What'd the look like? "I don't know." Hon, your brothers not here. He's at home, and he's fine. "Let me go ask HUHA [octopus dude!]... Hey, have you seen my brother?" "What's he look like?" "He's got brown hair and a big schnoz and a split down his face and half his leg is cut off." "I don't think so... I don't even know his name." Kinda funny, though morbid.<br /><br />Some where in here I learn that she has a room to herself. This may be the root of some of the anxiety. Either way, I'm getting worried, but what to do? These conversations are in passing, she wanders off afterwards. Then she shows up at the counselor office door, asking for her $5 since she's going to the hospital. I can't believe it. Let's go talk to the nurse. The nurse is a bitch, and says, no she's not going to the hospital! Nurse pretty much says that she just said that to get the resident off her back. Great.<br /><br />FRST is freaking out. She steals the phone from someone (each floor as a phone for use only by the residents) and calls her sister. Now the symptoms have become physical... hands shaking, can't swallow, very cold... she gives the phone to me. I explain the brother thing, ask her sister for some advice, she suggests meds if it gets real bad. FRST demands the phone back, says something then practically hangs up on her sister.<br /><br />Two things: 1. Sister must trust us a lot to not run up here as soon as she hears this. Or maybe she's just used to it. 2. Guess who deals with the consequences of lying to a resident? Counselors. Me. THE RESIDENT. <span style="color: rgb(102, 204, 204); font-weight: bold;">AAARRRGGGG!!!!</span> And it's not just that nurse. How can you become so callous? Sorry, this isn't out of the blue... these nurses do shit like this all the time. It's like they don't want to work, they just don't care. The mentally ill still are people, you know. They're not dumb, they're just wired so differently it doesn't make sense to us. At least, that's my belief.<br /><br />Fuck, it's almost two am and I have school at 9. *sigh*It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-63395593533789848222009-07-28T02:20:00.002-05:002009-07-28T02:22:56.210-05:00OopsOh, and I had said I was gonna write about a new admit... of which there were two, and no I don't remember which one I was talking about. But they've both been there three months already, and I've forgotten all the good initial stories. They've both settled in quite well, and the one older lady is a riot. Paranoid, but hilarious... and she even laughs at her own delusions sometimes. That's my story.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-2671118640131390042009-07-28T01:55:00.006-05:002009-07-28T02:17:03.169-05:00Listerine.I AM HERE. 40 hrs a week + 2 classes + attempted social life = no time. Sorry guys. Can't even promise I'll be BACK back, but here's a little something. This post will be about work. The next, about research.<br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span>We got a new admit about a month back. She's a recovering addict (heroin, crack, the whole nine yards) plus a borderline personality. She even got herself addicted to the PRNs (calming shots aka antipsychotics). One day she called me a bitch and said she hated me, the next I was "Big Sis" again. She was a manipulative and moody... a character, to say the least. So one night, I'm not sure why, she decides to drink half a bottle of Listerine. Now, I didn't know this, but Listerine has 20% alcohol by volume. She was a short little petite thing. She got piss-ass drunk. Alternating fighting and calling everyone "niggers" (despite being white) with crying on shoulders and needing hugs. Started staggering everywhere. I tried to lead her back to her room, but instead she leans over and "BLAAGH". She had peas for dinner. It was minty fresh. And it was on my shoes.<br /><br />Fast forward. She's addicted to the PRNs. Once a week she decides she needs one real bad and wants to go to the hospital. On Saturday, however, in order to speed the process along, she slit her wrists. It disgusts me, because she did it for attention. They weren't even deep, from what I heard (I was off). She was not suicidal - she was an addict, and she wanted her drugs. Please don't get me wrong; addicts, especially recovering addicts, can most definitely become depressed and suicidal. She just wasn't, and one should never, ever use the threat of suicide to get what they want. It's way too serious of an issue. And my sister's ex-boyfriend did that, so she stayed with him for another year. He was a pig. But that's for another time.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-91112739127319658512009-05-23T20:12:00.001-05:002009-05-23T20:13:28.111-05:00This week<p>I wrote this at work, on paper. I was at the front desk and bored and needed to do something other than read and write “Discharge is not recommended as resident benefits from a structured environment.” Has not been the best week, maybe it’s because it was too hot… I don’t know.</p> <p>Wednesday, REBO (new guy) ran out. Unlike the woman in the long fur coat and loafers, this was not amusing. This guy has no idea what’s going on… I think he’s so doped up on meds, all he can think about is going outside. We brought him back in after catching up with him across the parking lot and got him to lay in bed. He kept getting up though, kept saying he wanted to go outside, he wanted to go for a walk. We tried to explain that he couldn’t (not for the first 30 days after admittance, facility policy – discuss stupidity of rule and benefits of fresh air and sun), but he doesn’t understand. So he would lay down in bed, and get up two minutes later. We would talk and cajole him back, and there’d he be, up again soon after. Again. And again. He kept getting more and more frustrated (of course – I would), until he tried to push me away. He hit Bonny (5’2” asian, remember?) and punched me… no worries, he’s a little thing, not to mention so out of it the only reason that I didn’t catch that one (like the others) is because I wasn’t looking. But I felt horrible. I was a jailer.</p> <p>So no, not all fun and games. On Thursday, JORO had a manic episode. Had it bad. I had heard about these incidents, but I’ve never seen it first hand. He calls it a seizure, which it technically isn’t, but for god’s sake, it sure looks like one. Stiff, yet shaking, and yelling in Spanish. Yelling so fast I couldn’t understand even if it was in English. Biting, ripping his pillow, clapping his hands so hard I <em>know</em> it must’ve hurt. And through all this, staring at me with those humungous eyes. Yesterday I talked with another counselor, and we agreed – JORO is pleading with his eyes. With no other faculties available to him, he’s asking what’s going on, he’s asking for help. And I can’t do one fucking little thing.</p> <p>He eventually calmed down, but when I say calmed down I mean he went from manic to hypomanic. He jumped and punched the ceiling, he took a couple of swings at random people, he jumped over the counter into the medicine cabinet. Finally, he came off the high. The next day I was talking to him, and he was normal… well, normal as I’ve seen him.</p> <p>Here’s a light one, to end if off with. DAMC keeps swearing he has the mumps (or measles, depends on the day). He was at kindergarten today (what 50 yr old man <em>doesn’t </em>go to kindergarten?) and learned what 2+3 was. Friday I watched him play basketball with some ganstas – by himself, without a ball. He’s a sweetie, and always has a ready hand to shake.</p> <p>I’ll tell you about the new addition to my caseload at some later point in time… that’ll take a bit of energy to let ya’ll have the full dose.</p> It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-42679039195287508532009-04-30T17:12:00.004-05:002009-04-30T17:33:08.328-05:00Black Eyes and Puppy Love<div style="text-align: left;">Yeah, absolutely no posting, I apologize. Again. Just finished a test, one of those you come out thinking "well, at least it's over." That was the cumulative Lab Exam, tomorrow is the Lecture Exam over just Unit 3, then next Wednesday is the cumulative Lecture Exam. Yes, caps and everything.<br /></div><br />Stories:<br /><br />We had a 6'6" hefty war veteran come in the other day and leave the following morning for the hospital. I walked in at 7 am and outside the counselor's room is this guy yelling that he wants a cigarette, looking to punch someone out. Poor little Bonny (counselor) got a packet snatched out of her hands... she's a little 5'2" skinny asian girl. She was an edge for a little bit after. Not that I blame her.<br /><br />Yesterday one resident punch out another. By mistake. RITH is about 21 yo, really sweet to everyone... except his hallucinations. He's always challenging them to fights, running across the dining room to jump on them, wrestling them to the ground. Well, this time JEHA got in the way. Ya'll remember him, the shoe guy - the one you don't wear boots around unless you want your feet to be felt up. Anyways, everyone knows RITH didn't mean to give JEHA a black eye - he apologized profusely and actually gave himself a time out, put himself away in his room. No one even wanted to give him a shot of Haldol (the usual punishment for bad behavior, your basic anti-psychotic, aka tranquilizer). He didn't mean to. But poor JEHA... "Why are you all on <span style="font-style: italic;">his</span> side?? I'm the one who got punched!!" Felt bad for him, but there is some amusement to be found in this story, I think.<br /><br />Also, we had a new guy come in a week or two ago. WISK was trouble at first and went to the hospital right away, too anxious, not even the Haldol called him down. (He's the one who ate the apple core while telling me about law enforcement.) But he came back, and he's been a lot better - even to the point of sweetness, you might say. Especially for one, so named JO. Oh yes, lots of hugging in the hallways. And making out. And yes, it did happen - one of the counselors walked in on them humping like rabbits. ow OW!!!! It's really kind of cute to see them all lovey dovey in the halls... although everyone will say they are not an attractive couple.<br /><br />Oh, speaking of cute couples... there's an older set on the second floor. They've been at this place for a LOOOONG time. They've been with <span style="font-style: italic;">each other</span> for 10 years, having met at the nursing home. They are the sweetest older couple you'll ever meet. If for some reason they're apart, the one you're talking to is talking about the other who's away.<br /><br />Moral of the story: Love can be found anywhere, any time.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-92137793837630855902009-04-13T17:57:00.003-05:002009-04-13T18:02:18.869-05:00Apple cores and fur coats.Perhaps this blog will become me telling stories of my job.<br /><br />Yesterday a resident told me that it was illegal for me to enforce laws I did not create while eating an apple core he had just asked me to throw out.<br /><br />The day before that I chased an older women wearing bright red lipstick, long fur coat, and loafers. She was scurrying down the middle of the street. When we caught up to her, she said she just wanted to leave.<br /><br />JR is calling me by my name now (not Lisa Madigan, whom I apparently look like), and QH almost made me cry yesterday because he wanted today off, like me, so he could go home with his mom.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-24742230120755293532009-04-09T10:44:00.004-05:002009-04-09T10:49:16.889-05:00Working with BPDMight as well post some more thoughts, being as I probably won't be back on until my next day off (Monday).<br /><br />There was another counselor at my work place who started a month before me. She has BPD and just stopped showing up to work one day, never contacted anyone. They didn't really have a high opinion of her in the first place, from what I gather. I was planning on keeping my similar diagnosis to myself for a while anyways, but now I really am worried. I'm scared that if they find out, I'll have to go above and beyond to prove myself. But no one will have to know as long as I don't forget my meds.<br /><br />Also, my grandma just suggested a shock collar for my dog. Hell no. Very irritating to hear that.<br /><br />Over and out.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-83221738765430781912009-04-09T10:17:00.004-05:002009-04-09T10:41:52.890-05:00Improper MedsAgain, it's been awhile, apologies all around. This whole full time job thing + school = barely enough time to read my email, much less write. But today is my day off. Will be meeting with my very good friend for lunch, studying, and going to anatomy lab. Which I missed last week, but that's okay b/c there are very few structures this week, meaning lots of extra time to "review".<br /><br />So, article which makes me really upset: <a href="http://www.topix.com/health/bipolar-disorder/2009/04/mom-blames-improper-meds-for-sons-condition">Mom Blames Improper Meds for Son's Condition</a>. Basically, her son was overdosed on too many medications. This pisses me off for multiple reasons. Let's try to organize my thoughts.<br /><br />1. G*dd*mn f*cking insensitive doctors!!! 'Scuse the french. Of course, not all doctors are dumb asses. I love my own psychiatrist. But for christ's sake, paying attention to your patient is pretty fucking important. (I've given up with the stars.) Past history and future follow-ups are absolutely necessary. I hope this kid's doctor (though I believe this "kid" is older than me) gets his license revoked.<br /><br />2. This situation only increases the stigma against psychoactive medications and their potential helpfulness. Not to mention health care in general. There are people who believe medication is for the weak, that it's wrong and destructive. Personally, it takes a lot of strength to admit you need meds, that it's the right thing to do. Obviously, the destructive possibility is there. The line between good meds and bad meds is a fine one, and I've been on both sides of it. That's why you need a good psychiatrist, a good facility, a good social worker.<br /><br />This whole situation is a result of neglect, and it pisses me off.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Side note: I hope this post makes sense because I'm having a hard time stringing thoughts together. Not sure why, maybe too many late-night shifts, or that I forgot my morning meds yesterday and took them at 6pm. Anyways, sorry if it jumps.</span>It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-13643853211488074472009-04-05T22:37:00.002-05:002009-04-05T22:50:05.747-05:00So sorry...I LOVE my new job. Con: no time to waste online with the blogging. Or the facebooking.<br /><br />Interesting personalities I've met on the new job:<br /><br />JH: Haven't read his chart yet, but he's the guy who came up to me at my two interviews. Stared me straight in the eyes from two inches away, then wandered off. First day I sat at front desk with one of my fellow counselor ladies and he attempted to join us behind the desk - big no-no. She steered him away and informed me that "He was trying to look at your shoes." Apparently this man has a shoe fettish. Beware all those with boots - he will stroke them.<br /><br />QH: Adorable 21 year old. Supposedly schizo-affective, but everyone thinks (and after three days, I agree) that he's MR - mentally retarded. Look at this new lingo I'm picking up. If you ask him "what's up?" you get "I'm fine!" in reply. Very happy-go-lucky. Decorated his room with help on the second day with some pages from a coloring book, including a blue dog... he was very proud. He learned my name by the second day, which made me quite happy. I love this guy.<br /><br />(It just occurred to me: "I colored the duck blue because, well, I've never seen a blue duck before, and I wanted to see one." Hilarious movie, although admittedly quite offensive. I apologize.)<br /><br />SM: Guy my age, also bipolar. Attempted suicide three times. Abused alcohol and marijuana, tried cocaine. He's probably the most normal (although will ask the required question, "what is normal?") resident there. Very typical conversations. He's been there a year and a half, and he's so close to getting out of there but he hasn't. Keeps getting caught smoking in undesignated areas and such. Once with marijuana.<br /><br />I'll be back with more at some point I'm sure. Just time is an issue now... *sigh*. Btw, my boyfriend is studying across the table from me and it makes me quite happy. I have to leave tomorrow morning, which makes me quite unhappy. Take the good with the bad.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-22914843363501464672009-03-27T11:54:00.009-05:002009-03-27T12:44:32.940-05:00Damn that right hemisphere.<a href="http://www.medwire-news.md/47/81433/Psychiatry/Global_cortical_folding_reduced_with_treatment-resistant_depression.html">Global cortical folding reduced with treatment-resistant depression</a> in the right hemisphere by 4%. The study involved those with unipolar depression and bipolar disorder. Also interesting is that those on lithium had 6% less cortical folding than those not taking the drug. Which, if I remember correctly, doesn't agree with a previous study/article I had commented on a while back. Don't remember which one (and too lazy to look for it), but it had mentioned that those on correct medication had more brain matter than those that were not. Or maybe it was just better performance.<br /><br /><a href="http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/03/24/brain-marker-for-familial-depression/4914.html">Brain Marker for Familial Depression</a> is a thinning of the cortex in the right hemisphere. A thinning of 28% actually, compared to the normals. Which is, needless to say, a hell of a lot. This was correlated with a worsening performance on attention and memory tasks.<br /><br />Oh fine fine fine. We've less brain matter, folks. I'll stop arguing and being stubborn and just not accepting. But anyways, these two articles complement each other. Less cortical folding = less surface area = less space for neuronal cell bodies = less brain matter in general. Attention and memory though... I know my memory is crap, as is my father's. And his attention is going down the drain. To the point of annoyance, have to repeat everything 2 or 3 times... he can't seem to follow a conversation.<br /><br />Hmmm... as I mentioned before, been reading "Touched with Fire" by Kay Redfield Jamison again. "Manic Depressives and the Artist Temperment". How in the past few centuries, there have been numerous BPDs that have impacted the literary, artistic, and musical worlds for the better. But the right hemisphere has been associated in the past with artistic sensibilities, and the left with logic and math. A general classification, but one with at least <span style="font-style: italic;">some</span> merit I think. So why, if less brain matter in the right hemisphere, are they more creative than the general population? And super productive as well... which would not coincide with the less memory and attention. This could go back to my original theory that if they've less grey matter, they've more white matter (axons, myelin, and neuronal connections), allowing for more abstract associations in general. But who knows.<br /><br />Ah, the mysteries of life.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-37360717379538445902009-03-26T10:26:00.002-05:002009-03-26T10:30:59.343-05:00Cars are complicated things.I don't know if I mentioned this in a previous post, but I'm trying to buy a car. And it's a pain in the butt. I found a nice deal in the city, and my aunt is going to go with me to check it out on Saturday. However, I need to stay in the city Saturday night, because it's b-day celebrations with the buddies (involving drinks that will not enable me to drive). It just occurred to me that if I <em>did </em>buy the car, I'll need some place to keep it while I'm in the city... oh, poopy. Cars are a lot of work in the big bad city. Maybe my aunt will have an extra space in her apartment's garage overnight. That would be nice. Oh, and Sunday it's my cousin's b-day celebration!!! She's turning three and is the cutest, most trouble-some girl - though not as bad as me at three, as my parents tell it. Her b-day is actually the same date as mine, but with so many things going on in the fam, it'll be a late celebration. S'ok. Alrighty, just a random thought + bored at work = useless post. :-DIt's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-22142747906595034302009-03-26T09:46:00.006-05:002009-03-26T10:05:21.738-05:00Okay, fine, do the gene thingWhoa... sorry peeps, it's been awhile... although as far as I know, only two people read this thing. Gracias to you guys. :)<br /><br />So previously I had expressed my exasperation with genetic studies trying to confirm that BPD and schizophrenia are hereditary, because it's obvious that they are, and has been for centuries (started up reading "Touched with Fire" again last night... probably will come by with more stuff from there... I know, I'm a bad person, I <em>still</em> haven't finished it after months of trying). I also stated that there needs to be more studies done on medication and treatment. Now, a combination of the two: <a href="http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/03/23/genetics-aid-treatment-of-mental-disorders/4897.html">Genetics Aid Treatment of Mental Disorders</a>.<br /><br />Gene DISC1, which I've read about before because it's part of the development of these illnesses, may also dictate how the afflicted respond to medications. They've also found seven proteins that would help the search for appropriate treatment. And really, that's all this article says. I so wish they would post a link to the actual article... that would make me so happy. Not only would it be more educational to the general public, it would give me more to write and comment about. But they probably don't do that because they want you to suscribe to the journal. Gotta love capitalism.<br /><br />And I didn't realize this: “Schizophrenia is a devastating condition that affects around one in 100 people in the UK." I mean, I knew 1%-ish of the population, but stating it in that manner puts a whole new light on it. Of course, same for BPD. So prevalent, yet so few are willing to attempt understanding.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-5982542710782759472009-03-23T13:09:00.002-05:002009-03-23T13:10:49.155-05:00Oh darn.Just realized something happened with the post re: male biological clocks... apparently I didn't save after I typed? That's sad, I'm sure it was amusing. Apologies, everyone.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-14844673156786785222009-03-23T12:53:00.004-05:002009-03-23T13:07:44.302-05:00Alcohol best in moderation - like everything else.But yet, studies must be done: <a href="http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/03/20/modest-alcohol-consumption-may-release-endorphins/4869.html">Modest Alcohol Consumption May Release Endorphins</a>.<br /><br />One or two drinks, you're good, and those opiate receptors are happily responsive. Anymore than that and anxiety and depression are on there way. For some, anyways. My dad used to get super depressed after a few drinks about 3 or 4 days later. He was alcohol free for six years. But now he's off the wagon, and it took a few tries, but he's found his limit (again). It was interesting in the meantime. Thank god my 10 year old brother is a pretty cool kid.<br /><br />Myself, for the most part I do pretty good. I am most commonly a binge drinker - when I go out, I'll have 4 on average, and I got out 2-4 times a month. I realize this is not healthy, but I'm a fun drunk and not too messy. I have friends who would tell me if I was, anyways. I wonder if at some point my body chemistry will change and once I have a night like that, my mood will go down the pooper. I'll enjoy it while I can.<br /><br />Hm. I wish they quoted the actual article, it mentions groundbreaking methods using live and free moving animals, animals unstressed and uninhibited. Yet in a lab. With numerous tests being done upon them. Oh yeah, I'm <strong><em>sure</em></strong> they're unstressed. Let it be known, however, I'm not against animal research, theoretically - it needs to be done to properly study cause and effect. But I don't think about it too much because it makes me sad. Anyways, point being, how free and unstressed are these animals?<br /><br />Well, at least their opiate receptors are working.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-86529586198711913882009-03-23T12:03:00.002-05:002009-03-23T12:08:09.952-05:00I like weekends.So I had a fun weekend... got the monies on Friday for becoming one year older. Including a $4000 loan from the grandparents for a car, which is extremely hard to shop for. Did that a bit on Saturday and discovered if you're on the dealer's lot it's somehow more expensive than it was online. Time to bring print-outs. Needless to say, no luck. Sunday was my first Bridal Shower ever and there were lots of kitchen-y things. I was the second coolest and bought THE most useful stuff - martini glasses and champagne flutes. How could you go wrong? But my good buddy Erin had a home-made card and a box of "Wedding Spices" that was very nice.<br /><br />Of course, Michael was here, and he wasn't allowed to give me money or anything new, so I got his old 160 GB external hardrive and external DVD burner, with a few of his extra copies of Disney movies. Don't ask.<br /><br />All in all, a good weekend. Tonight is swing dancing!!!It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-28094216028552932682009-03-19T11:05:00.006-05:002009-03-19T11:51:04.097-05:00Back to SeriousAlrighty, so here's a pertinent post, based on this article: <a href="http://www.northshoreoflongisland.com/Articles-i-2009-03-12-78730.112114-sub_Male_biological_clock_ticking.html">Male 'Biological Clock' Ticking</a><br /><br />First, a story: I had skimmed this article on Tuesday (no, I haven't been slacking as much as ya'll thought) and something came up related to these so-called clocks while walking to deep dish pizza (heavenly, btw). Unfortunately, I sucked in trying to related this story, because I forgot a few pertinent points, such as why it's bad for men to sire children when they're getting up there in years. Except I couldn't remember the word "sire" and I said "spawn" instead, and got made fun for that. Pretty amusing, I agree. I know, bad story.<br /><br />Back to the article. If a man SIRES children in his 40s, the children tend to score worse on intelligence tests, and there's a higher risk of physical defects AND neuropsychological conditions. Of course, we all know that "old" mothers result in higher risk of children with birth defects, BUT they're kids tend to score better on intelligence tests.<br /><br />Explanation? From puberty, men create new sperm all the time. So by the time they're in their 40s, these spermies have been replicated A LOT and so there's a higher chance of mutation. Women have fewerIt's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-67012781767741427222009-03-19T10:46:00.005-05:002009-03-19T10:56:49.307-05:00Sharpies, Cars, Letters, and ExamsSo St. Patrick's Day was fun. Learned that the REAL Irish DO NOT call it St. Patty's day, they get kind of upset. Finally got to do the bar thing with a really good friend of mine. One of our party drank a whole bottle of wine and ended up getting kicked out of a bar, but her "not/maybe/ex/who knows status" boyfriend picked her up. Major points for him, but I don't know the whole story there. The party broke up and myself and two other girls decided to pick up a couple of drunk men (don't worry, we knew them before that night, lol) and take them home. One tried to fix the sink and didn't even get to the kitchen, and the other passed out on the couch and we drew on his face and back with a sharpie. If I remember, I'll post a picture... or maybe not, some R rated things... either way, quite hilarious. Yes, I did do the whiskey, and rediscovered my love for jack and coke. Wednesday wasn't bad with the hangover, just craved grease. Love water.<br /><br />Been trying to buy a car since I ran Henry into a house (NOT my fault, no one was hurt except my poor nails, and Henry was a 13 yo Toyota Corolla who was very faithful and dependable and I miss him) and almost got roped into a scam online. Love the boyfriend with the nerdiness. He figured out the domain of the email address this person was using was questionable to the extreme. I wasn't too comfortable with the way the transaction was going anyway.<br /><br />OH! Almost forgot - handed in the resignation letter and the boss didn't take it <em>that</em> badly. She said sounds like this new job was good, as long as I was happy that was fine with her, congratulations and all that good stuff. And then, as I was exiting her office, she said "I'm sure I'll mean it sometime soon." That woman is RIDICULOUS. More bipolar than me. Needs time with a therapist. Lonely old cat lady. But whatever, I start April 1st and I'm EXCITED!!!!!<br /><br />And of course, been studying. And studying, and studying. Hopefully it's not for naught. 3 o'clock today is the lab exam - wish me luck!!!It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-248776388953145732009-03-17T10:35:00.003-05:002009-03-17T11:54:58.627-05:00Too much!!!Too much going on today!!! Excited because today is St. Patty's day and that means bars and whiskey. And anxious because I'm going to hand in my resignation letter before I leave for the evening...<br /><br />And I just realized that the reason why I'm so nervous/shakey/excitable/irritable, etc and so forth, is probably (maybe, just a little bit) because I forgot my meds this morning. Of course. Dur. Thank god the bf convinced me to put an extra couple of days in my bag last month. Knew he was good for something.<br /><br />When this week ends, I'll be back with more interesting things, I promise.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-76620328172866386902009-03-16T14:39:00.004-05:002009-03-16T15:15:45.605-05:00Blur - Song 2WHOO HOOO!!! Of course, that's the only part of the song I really know. But it doesn't maaatter... because I got the jooooobbb... (that was supposed to be in a sing-song type of voice). So... WHOO HOOO!!!<br /><br />On the down side, I have actually been working all day (<em>what?!?!</em>) so I haven't been able to study, much less read anything of interest and comment about it.<br /><br />However. <em><strong><u>WHOO HOOO!!!!</u></strong></em><br /><strong><em><u></u></em></strong><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">(See bottom of page for actual song.)</span>It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-38129662386874645612009-03-15T16:22:00.004-05:002009-03-15T16:31:32.561-05:00So awful, yet simultaneously hilarious<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/eT1PP7Hx2rg&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/eT1PP7Hx2rg&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Okay, I loved Sesame Street. Fine, fine, <i>love</i>. I love Big Bird, Kermit the Frog, Elmo, Snufflupagous (spelling, anyone?). I'm a math person, so Count Dracula's not too shabby either. I feel like this video should shame me... but it doesn't. Yes, I am that immature.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-37600858924101097022009-03-15T12:22:00.004-05:002009-03-15T13:20:06.340-05:00What a beautiful day!!!Spring is my favorite season. Not just because that the first day of spring is my birthday (give or take a day sometimes) but because it's spring. It's growth, renewal, <span style="font-style: italic;">life</span>. It's a reminder that after the dark, cold, and gloom, there's always a ray of sunshine, you can always begin again.<br /><br />Never mind that it's just GORGEOUS.<br /><br />Just got back from taking the dogs for a walk. They loved it, of course. Now they're super-exhausted, but doggy grins all around. I actually sweated a bit, because I underestimated the temperature and wore a dark sweatshirt... I forgot what the sun does to black. <span style="font-style: italic;">SUN!!!!!!!</span><br /><br />This is a ramble-post, because all I've been doing is studying and making my hand cramp. Which is my own fault, because I make a game out of writing in small straight lines on computer paper to try to waste as little as possible. But yesterday I got through two weeks of lectures. Want to get through another two today, but it's gonna be harder... way too beautiful outside, too much pain in my wrist. But I have to if I want to party on Tuesday.<br /><br />lalalalalalala...<br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" ><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> SPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span></span></div>It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-88608627737565080612009-03-13T11:53:00.002-05:002009-03-13T11:54:54.134-05:00You know how it is.I like this article: <a href="http://beingbipolar.today.com/2009/02/18/being-bipolar-dos-and-donts/">Being Bipolar: Do's and Don'ts</a>. Makes us sound like we're impossible to live with, but that's kind of true. Reminds me why I love my boyfriend - he's got this down pat. :-DIt's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-74608621125781666002009-03-12T19:03:00.003-05:002009-03-13T11:43:08.913-05:00HiatusJust as a warning to ya'll, there won't be many posts this coming week. Two tests late next week, a lab and lecture in Anatomy and Physiology, and I need to study HARD this weekend if I'm going to allow myself to celebrate St. Patty's day with the rest of the Irish in us. So I've a few articles in my backpack, but unless I start procrastinating hard core, there won't be anything up here.<br /><br />Watch me eat my words.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2748927013576915371.post-22717432269681892802009-03-11T09:24:00.000-05:002009-03-11T09:56:00.756-05:00Atypical Depression and SuicideHere's something interesting:<br /><a href="http://www.medwire-news.md/47/80754/Psychiatry/Atypical_depression_common_in_bipolar_disorder_suicide_attempters.html">Atypical depression common in bipolar disorder suicide attempters</a><br /><br />Well, interesting to me. I've never heard of atypical depression, but reading the qualifications in DSM-IV on wiki (gotta love it) it sounds like what I always considered a mixed episode. Well, when this atypical depression is exaggerated. It's a subtype of depression, and involves mood reactivity, specifically positive reactions to "actual or potential positive events." Also, two of the following: weight gain or increased appetite, hypersomnia, leaden paralysis (heavy feeling in extremities), and a "Long-standing pattern of interpersonal rejection sensitivity that results in significant social or occupational impairment." Well, that's my depressions to a "T". I had no idea that the leaden paralysis was a symptom... well, I knew it was a symptom for me, but not that it was official, in the DSM and all.<br /><br />Just so's ya'll know, typically depression is "melancholic" with loss of pleasure and no mood reactivity to positive events, insomnia, agitation, weight loss, or excessive/inappropriate guilt. That kind used to be more common to me before Effexor XR, and to tell the truth I like the first one better. (Oh, and wiki says tricyclics are no good for those with atypical depression. Which makes sense for me, because I had a seizure two weeks after starting amitriptyline.) Anyways this atypical depression is more livable than melancholic depression, in my opinion. At least when not exaggerated... which has also happened to me. This is why I understand that it could increase your risk for suicide. It's a super rollercoaster if you have positive reactions to good things and then you feel like crap because of "interpersonal rejection." I know I take that stuff too seriously myself - I've broken down crying at work once or twice for that. Which I know is stupid, but can't seem to help myself.<br /><br />Possibly too much information for all of you, for which I apologize. But there you go, atypical depression. You learn something new every day.It's Enough To Behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06519125172952984991noreply@blogger.com0